*disclaimer: I use a lot of big words and toy with some fundamental ideas in this little post, and it might be confusing. I write in a stream, and don't have a lot of time to edit these posts. This is sort of just how I think, and I hope you can appreciate it to some degree.*
Good afternoon, March 31st 2019. You've been a pretty good day.
Today was typical. I woke up to a debate about the concept of faith over text, got to doing some things, blah blah, then realized I'm headed to Europe in just 2 days on a flight all by myself. I'm going there not so much to be a tourist, but to be a person. To explore, play music, meet people, and hang out with my best friend, Nick (who woke me with the debate). It's my best Christmas present I've given or received, and I hope that it's dangerous and terrifying. An adventure.
Nick studies law in the midlands of the UK, and he's been one of two of my very best friends for about 6 years or so (the other being Daniel, who I also love and will probably talk about someday as well).
The idea of a best friend is a person that I think develops in your life, and you sort of intuitively choose. A best friend to me is someone I engage with on a playful level and I can tell all my best and worst news to. Ones who hug me and challenge me and think about me. I have a lot of best friends, but those two I just share the longest history with of deep connection, so I call them my Very Best Friends.
We're quite different, truth be told. We share a love for the intellectual and humourous, and love to argue about anything and everything. But our differences spring eternal. He doesn't quite understand music. I deeply appreciate music and make my living from it. He has an abhorrence for the expression of the spiritual and subjective. I live in the realm of subjective expression, although I'm still quite deterministic and empirical. I love him because he's my constant nemesis in wit. We both play a game of trying to crush each other's position, even if we secretly agree in principle, with varying degrees of success (it takes time, but we've shaped each other for sure). We love to play games together. This morning we had a debate about faith that really exemplifies the evolution of our positions across time. It was about faith. I think faith is part of the process of becoming, where you have to sacrifice (even things you like) in order to attain anything of value over time, and enjoy the process of that sacrifice. I think this is encapsulated in the tagline of the western Enlightenment, 'Dare to Know!' It takes a leap of faith to commit yourself to something, even when it's justified across time. Our theory of the world is often correct, until it isn't, then what do we have left to keep us going? I think it's just trusting in the process and realizing you don't have the power to know its outcome. He thinks faith is just believing things without evidence, which spits in the face of empirical knowledge and the power of rationality. I often am fast to adopt newer modes of being, and damn is he ever an astute critic. I love him, and I'm excited to continue this conversation face to face.
The goal of this trip isn't purely pleasure (although legally speaking, it is). I want to meet people and play music, and try to set up connections to tour over there. I'm going to be posting a lot of video content of my escapades. My goal is to learn about what people value, artistically and emotionally, and where music fits into the global landscape. I study a lot of psychology, and there's a fact that portions of the population are more open minded than others (to put it simply). That's said to explain rises in nationalism and populism in all these countries that are experiencing economic plateaus (again, to put it simply). My theory is this: music unites and reminds people that the suffering they experience is universal. It's an empathetic solution, in my mind. I think it's dangerous to assume it will be easily received. But that's why I'm starting in Europe (quite an open minded place). The music I write I try to make moving and feeling provoking. I hope its sentiments resonate with those people there, even just individuals I meet.
Risk taking is a part of the process of becoming, and I realize that my process is the most important thing to my life and my working. I don't care about outcomes. I'm not interested in curbing disapproval. I'm interested in exploring the world of process, value, and my own expressive instincts. There's no room in there for caring whether people don't like it, as much as I wish there was. Although, arrogant as I might be, I'm sure there's a lot in there that will resonate with folks.
I embark on a month-long journey soon, but I like to think it's an official beginning of a new chapter of bravery and truth in my life. I feel my momentary self diminishing and in its place is a process of becoming.
I've been thinking of starting a podcast. Join my mailing list to get an idea of how that's going to look. It'll be about music. philosophy, process, history, geopolitics, love, fitness, questions. I hope to build it as a long-form podcast that people can enjoy, and I'll probably do it with someone else.